You canít just go out and fill in a few forms if youíre using Muslim matrimonial services; instead, you need to take it very seriously. Organize yourself; think about what you really want to find in a wife and a husband. Approach Muslim marriage at least as seriously as you approached college and finding a good job; this will be a lifetime commitment for you, and you should perform your spousal search with proper gravity.
The first thing you should do is determine what you want to have in life for yourself; you canít expect to find a proper bride or groom unless you know yourself. If you know where youíre going, then you need to decide what sort of partner you want to go through life with you.
At Muslim matrimonial services websites, you can meet partners that may be perfect for you. Of course, youíve heard all the stories about people who meet online Ė horror stories, many of them. But those are not, in general, people who are looking for the same thing you are. Youíre seeking a lifetime commitment; and so is everyone else on a Muslim matrimonial services website.
The best way to protect yourself from anyone who might be trying to deceive you is to ask lots of questions. And thatís perfect, because thatís how you get to know people in a Muslim matrimonial site anyway.
Suggested questions to ask when youíre meeting people through a Muslim matrimonial service:
- What in your opinion is the purpose of marriage?
- Do you pray 5 times daily? Fajr on time? Tahajjud? witr? And do you pray Sunnah? Do you fast? How often and for how long do you read the Quran? What are your favorite stories of the Sahabah?
- Who are your favorite Islamic authors and why?
- Have you ever gone on hajj? What do you do during Ramadan besides fast?
- These questions should both establish a basis for getting to know one another, and winnow out any fakes. The next questions you need to ask are to get to know the other person well. Remember, there are no right or wrong answers, only honesty. And itís only fair that you answer your own questions as well for the other person.
- If you are divorced: Why did you get divorced? Was divorce according to Islamic law? Do you have children?
- Do you smoke, use drugs, gamble, drink alcohol, etc.
- Any history of mental illness in the family? Do your parents have a bad marriage, or are they divorced?
- How would you raise children? Would they have pets? How do you think Muslim children should be raised in the Western world?
- Should the imam settle disagreements that you could not settle yourselves?
- How do you feel about money? On what would you spend money? How often would you need to visit, make long distance phone calls, or otherwise spend extra money? What are your dreams and goals? What are the dreams and goals of your family? How do you feel about the separate roles of a man and a woman?
You need to ask yourself if you feel comfortable with this person, or do you feel the need to deceive? Does this person make you feel happy? And does he or she bring out your best? If you were in trouble, would you feel you could depend on this person? In the same vein, you should realize that others sometimes give you the answer they think you want. Instead of answering simple yes/no questions, ask those that require thought and deep answers. Remember, with a Muslim matrimonial services, youíre in a safe place; there is no reason for any deception on either side.